


It's A Start

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Assumptions, Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Claire Novak Ships Castiel/Dean Winchester, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Holding Hands, Love Confessions, M/M, Parental Castiel, Parental Dean, Road Trips, Season/Series 13, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:29:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: Castiel realizes he's been putting Jack first and needs to spend some time with Claire.





	It's A Start

“Something on your mind, Cas?” Dean sensed the angel hovering.

 

“I’ve been a bad father.”

 

“We role-playing?” Dean teased until he saw the distressed look on Cas’ face. “Talk to me.”

 

Cas sat beside him at the war room map table. “I’ve been so focused on Jack. I’ve neglected Claire. I wasn’t there when she was hurt. I felt her pain and heard her prayers when I was in Heaven with Joshua. I went off to help Kelly instead of going to Claire. And she’s in pain again. I want to see her, but I fear she won’t wish to see me.”

 

Dean put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “She’s strong, Cas. You won’t believe how tough she is. She hopped a rift to come save me and Sam. Jody said she picked up a flamethrower and torched a monster without even blinking.”

 

“She’s still my d...my responsibility. Just as much as Jack. How do I make this right, Dean?”

 

“Well, Sam and Donny are working on translating the demon tablet. Why don’t we pack a bag and drive out to see her? I’ll be right there with you, man.”

 

“I’d like that. And thank you. For taking care of her.”

 

“Claire and Jack...I see them as your kids so that makes ‘em family. I dunno. Guess I feel kinda parental to them, too.”

 

Cas smirked. “They have both referred to you as their stepfather. Of sorts. I explained we weren’t married…”

 

Dean returned the smile. “Nothing says we gotta be hitched to co-parent.”

 

***

 

Jody had a full house of young women so Dean got them a cheap motel room in Sioux Falls. He figured they’d casually drop in so Claire wouldn’t get spooked and hit the road. She hadn’t been too receptive to talking things out the last time he’d been around.

 

“Cas, why don’t you borrow something of mine to wear? You look too wound up.”

 

“I  _ am _ wound up. I’m nervous. How will denim and flannel relax me?” Cas stopped pacing when Dean thrust a pile of clothes at him. 

 

“It’ll make her feel more relaxed. She sees you as Castiel the angel, the guy who  _ looks _ like her dad. She needs to get to know Cas, the guy with a big, soft heart who loves her and wants to be there for her.”

 

Cas nodded and went to the small bathroom to change. He intended to ask for forgiveness for his absence. He wanted to explain the forces holding him back. He wanted to comfort her. 

 

“Well?” he asked when he emerged. He placed his suit and coat on the small desk.

 

“You look good, Cas. You ready to do this?”

 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

***

 

“Dean! Hey!” Jody greeted him at the door with a hug and a kiss on his cheek. “No Sam?”

 

“He’s working on a nerdgasm with a prophet back at the bunker. I guess you and Cas haven’t officially met. Jody, Cas. Cas, Jody.”

 

Cas stepped from behind Dean and extended his hand. He was surprised to be caught in a hug. “Hello.”

 

“It’s great to finally meet you! How are you? Dean said you had a little brush with death.” Jody pulled him inside the house.

 

“Better. Is Claire home?” Cas tried to avoid discussing his death around Dean.

 

“She went with Patience to pick up some dinner. Alex is on at the hospital.”

 

“How’s she holding up?” Dean asked. He’d tried to talk to her but she was in full shutdown after losing Kaia.

 

Jody shrugged. “I’ve been giving her some space. She won’t open up and I’m afraid if I push she’ll bolt again. She can’t be out there on her own without a clear head.”

 

Dean nodded. Been there, done that. Fucked it all up. He guided Cas to the sofa so they could chat some more while they waited for the girls to get back.

 

***

 

“Dean? Sam?” Claire called out from the door. She saw the Impala parked outside. “Castiel?” She froze with the takeout bags in her hands. Patience bumped into her.

 

Cas rose up and went to her. “Claire. I had to come see you.” He reached out but she took a step back. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?”

 

“I need to apologize...to explain. I felt your pain,” Cas started.

 

“Yeah? Where were you? Huh? What was so damn important you had to do when I was screaming in pain from a werewolf bite? When I lost…” Claire dropped the bags on the floor and turned to storm past a stunned Patience. Cas was caught by Dean’s arm before he could follow.

 

“I got this, Cas,” Dean assured him. He caught up with Claire just down the street. “Claire, it’s me. Hold up a sec.”

 

“He promised me. He said he’d look out for me. He just dumped me in a cab and never looked back!”

 

Dean grabbed her and pulled her into a tight hug while she let the tears flow. “He didn’t have a choice. I was pissed off at him, too. They were holding him back in Heaven when you got bit. He was in Hell,  _ literal  _ Hell when me and Sam got sent to the Bad Place. That man loves you. Why won’t you let him?”

 

Claire sniffled and pushed away. “Ha! I could say the same thing to  _ you _ , Dean.”

 

Dean clenched his jaw. “This ain’t about me. It’s about him and trying to apologize to you. He felt... _ feels _ all your pain. He heard your prayers and it ripped his heart out that he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

 

“So being here now, we just hug it out and it makes it all better? It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t bring Kaia back.”

 

“No, it doesn’t. But he’s trying here. You think my old man would have give a damn about  _ my _ broken heart? Bobby did. The guy that stepped up and  _ chose _ to be a dad to me and Sam. Jimmy might be long gone, kiddo, but you got a guy willing to step up and be a dad to you and to Jack. Whether you wanna forgive him or not is up to you. Just please...let him say what he’s gotta say. For me.”

 

Claire crossed her arms in a protective stance. “How’d you know I have a broken heart?”

 

Dean put his arm around her shoulders and started walking them back to Jody’s. “You know Cas died, right? Right in front of me. I had to burn his body.”

 

“But he came back. You get another chance. I won’t, Dean. I thought...I thought she liked me, too. I’ll never get to find out.”

 

“She did, Claire. The last thing she did was make sure you were safe. She wouldn’t have done that for me or Sam. She did it for  _ you _ .”

 

“Yeah. I just wish I could have said goodbye or something.”

 

“I know, kid.”

 

***

 

“So you’re Claire’s dad?” Patience asked Cas.

 

“I’m an angel. We require consent from human vessels to be on earth. Claire’s father, Jimmy, was my vessel. When he died, his soul went to Heaven and now this is just...me. I consider Claire my daughter.”

 

“I have so much to learn. What happened to Claire’s mom? I mean, Jody’s kinda her mom…”

 

“Amelia met an unfortunate end. In Claire’s arms. We thought it best for her at the time to be in a stable and loving home. Jody, I cannot properly express my gratitude for the love and the guidance you’ve given her.”

 

Jody smiled and placed a hand over his. “I can’t imagine life without my girls. I can tell she misses you. But Dean...he’s really been great with her. Those two just get each other.”

 

“I am truly grateful for that. They started as more adversarial but Dean is quite fond of her, parental. Sometimes I believe he’s more a father to her than myself.” Cas looked away. He heard the door then saw Dean with Claire.

 

Claire kind of fidgeted. “You wanna come to my room?” She didn’t look up but Cas knew it was directed at him. He stood and followed the sullen young woman down the hall. She sat on her bed and hugged her plush Grumpy Cat Cas had given her for her birthday. 

 

“I suppose the first thing I should do is apologize to you. All I’ve ever seemed to do is disappoint you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me. I broke my promise to you and I’ll understand if you can’t quite forgive me.”

 

“Dean said some stuff was going on.” Claire picked some stray lint from the fake fur.

 

“I allowed Lucifer to possess me to fight the Darkness. At the time, it seemed like a good idea, our best option. For months I was a prisoner in my own mind. When I was free of him, it was up to us to save the world. Then to save Sam from the British Men of Letters. I felt responsible for Lucifer being set free upon the world and set about fixing that situation. He...he created a nephilim, a powerful hybrid being. Sam and Dean were captured by the government. I searched for weeks. I nearly died by the hand of a Prince of Hell. I went to Heaven to hear what they had to say about the nephilim. I was held there in wait for Joshua went I heard your prayers. I begged to go to you. I felt such relief when I heard Dean’s prayer that you were saved.

 

“Then I had to protect Kelly from Lucifer. I had a vision. I knew her son could never be influenced by Lucifer. She was never meant to survive the birth so I vowed to be the child’s father. To lead him on the righteous path. I was killed moments before his birth. Jack wound up with Sam and Dean and I was in the Empty. I managed to get out and barely had any time to enjoy the reunion when Jack ran away. I was in pursuit of him when Lucifer found me and we were both captured by Asmodeus, the final Prince of Hell. I used Lucifer to escape.

 

“I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on my mistakes. My choices were made to protect my family, the ones I love, but they just kept me away. I’ve caused you so much pain, Claire. I was supposed to be there, to comfort you. You cried out for me and I was in a cell, powerless to go to my daughter. You must know that, Claire. I love you as my own child. You may not see me as your father but it doesn’t change how I feel. My excuses likely feel hollow and meaningless to you.”

 

Claire curled into herself. “You told me twice that you weren’t my father. How am I supposed to believe you now?”

 

“I accept that. I understand that getting close to you will require a great deal of effort on my part. I’m trying, Claire. I haven’t a clue what I need to do but this is me, taking a step towards you.”

 

“I need time, Castiel. I’m not in a good place.”

 

“I know that, Claire. You are a part of an amazing family here. You’re also part of the Winchester family. You are loved, so loved. I came here hoping you’d allow me to say my piece. Thank you for that. I’m also here to listen to you, if you want. The pain of losing someone you care for is immeasurable.”

 

Claire leaned back against the wall. “I liked her. A lot. Like you like Dean.”

 

Cas straightened up. “Oh? I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry.”

 

“Can I ask you something?”

 

“Anything, Claire.”

 

“How did you know it was a more than friends thing?”

 

Cas leaned forward and clasped his hands together. “I suppose it was after Sam put Lucifer away. There was a moment when I watched Dean just raking leaves in Lisa’s yard. I felt immense pain and loss that he had moved on. But there was also a part of me that believed I could be happy if Dean was truly happy. I was willing to sacrifice my happiness for his.”

 

“Kaia sacrificed herself for me,” Claire said quietly.

 

Cas tentatively reached out to place his hand on her arm. “Then I believe she felt the same as you. I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to know her better, to spend more time with her.”

 

“Yeah, me too. What if she’s the only one I ever feel that way about?”

 

“That I cannot answer. I have only loved one person like that, and likely will never love another. But I have faith that in your lifetime you will find your heart open to love again.”

 

“Thanks. Can I ask another personal question?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Claire bit her bottom lip, much like Dean did when he was hesitant to say something. “Are you ever gonna tell Dean?”

 

“My love life, or distinct lack thereof, is not of import at this time. I wish to focus on my children.”

 

“Cas...I’ll be fine. I’m just a girl who got her heart broken. It’s a lowly human problem. I’ll mope and I’ll cry and I’ll go out and kick some ass. You...you see all this apocalyptic shit as the day to day and the human stuff scares the hell out of you.” Claire finally locked into an intense gaze with Castiel. “You do everything for everyone else. Do this one thing for you.” 

 

“Claire…”

 

“It would make me happy.”

 

“That’s all I truly want.”

 

***

 

Jody invited Dean and Cas to stay for dinner. She told them Donna was faring pretty well after her breakup with Doug. Patience filed to get her diploma online to finish school so she could enroll at the local community college. It wasn’t what she envisioned for herself, but she looked to Alex as a role model. She could learn to balance civilian life with helping hunters.

 

Claire willingly hugged both Dean and Cas goodbye before they headed back to the motel. She kissed Cas’ cheek and wished him luck.

 

“Things go okay with Claire?” Dean asked when they pulled away.

 

“Better than expected. She...she asked something of me.”

 

“Yeah? That mean you’re thinking of hanging around Sioux Falls more?”

 

“Actually, she asked me to do something for myself. She said I always do things for others.”

 

Dean smirked. “So...beach vacation? Sipping fruity umbrella drinks, catch some rays?”

 

Cas gave a thin smile. “Something more personal. She urged me to...confess my feelings to someone I care for.”

 

They were almost to the motel. “We’re about to have a serious conversation, aren’t we? Can it wait till I kick off my boots and got a beer in my hand?”

 

“Of course, Dean.” It was only a couple more minutes of tense silence before Dean pulled in. 

 

They both got ditched a layer of outerwear and their shoes. Dean grabbed two beers from the mini fridge and handed one to Cas. He sat in the edge of the bed and Cas settled across from him in the desk chair.

 

“Before you say anything, Claire kinda said something to me, too.” Dean sipped from his bottle.

 

“So you’ve had time to think of a way to let me down gently.” Cas dropped his head.

 

“And this is our biggest problem, assuming what the other is going to say. You’ve turned me down in my head a thousand ways, Cas. You’re an angel, you’re not gay, saving the world is more important…”

 

“I  _ am _ an angel. Sexual preference is irrelevant to me. And saving the world loses its importance without loved ones on the other side of battle. I admit to making similar assumptions of you. Sam will always come first. And now Mary. You don’t do relationships. You only care for me as a brother.”

 

Dean shook his head. “Sounds like me. Every word of it’s true and also a goddamn lie. I’ve thought about this. How it might work. Where everybody fits in this. And that was after taking a huge leap in thinking you’d go for it.”

 

“If I say I’m in love with you, that I have been for years, what have you to say in response?”

 

“Ditto? Do I have to fucking say it?” Dean whined.

 

Cas got up to join Dean on the bed, shoulder to shoulder. “I’d greatly appreciate it if you did. But we both know that will never come easily for you.” He finished off his beer and tossed it in the trash with a loud clang. “What happens next?”

 

“I dunno, man. There’s so much going on, so much work left for us to do...is it selfish to start something up right now?”

 

“Isn’t that the excuse we’ve both been hiding behind for so long? Our children want us to be together. You know Sam would approve. Mary may take some time.”

 

Dean reached for Cas’ hand. “What? It’s a start.”

 

“Yes, Dean. It’s a start.”


End file.
